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Posts Tagged ‘self-esteem’

Stop Being So Self-Critical Right Now


stop_being_self_criticalBeing too self-critical is epidemic in our society. It’s almost a national pastime to beat ourselves up over real and imagined imperfections. We became unwitting devotees watching our parents and teachers direct their anger towards us with negative judgments and demeaning labels instead of channeling emotions in appropriate ways. Being receptive little students, we pledged allegiance to those unkind messages and internalized commitments to keep them alive. Today we know the words by heart and speak them inside without even thinking.

For many of us, the expression “you are your own worst enemy” holds a lot of truth. We’re torn between identifying with our “true self,” which is self-accepting, goal-directed, and life-affirming or the “self-critical self,” which mercilessly beats us up and thwarts our efforts to reach our goals.

Whenever we criticize ourselves, we compound the issue. We turn one problem into two — there’s the social blunder, poor financial decision, or disapproving glance in the mirror — and the demeaning self-loathing that follows.

We can systematically start to feel more self-love by recognizing when our critical inner messages start to play and relentlessly wage war.

Are you more than ready to silence the tyrant? Then try these four effective strategies to stop being self-critical when you make a mistake so you can show yourself more love:

  1. Write down the most common destructive things you say to yourself, such as “I’m so stupid.” “I blew it again.” “ I’m such a bad person. I’m unlovable.”
  1. Determine what contradicts your old messages and write them down on a card or paper. Change the funky messages to something more positive and objectively true, such as “I’m doing the best I can. / I did the best I could.” I’m fine and I’m doing fine.” Or “Life is for learning. We all make mistakes.” Or  “If I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently.” Put your truths on a 3×5 card and carry them in your pocket, day-timer, or taped to your computer or dashboard of your car.
  1. Relentlessly repeat your new thoughts, especially when you’re judging yourself poorly or when you’re crying and feeling down. Repeat them ten, twenty, thirty times! It doesn’t matter if you believe it or not. Just repeat them. Interrupt all the “yes, buts” and other discounting thoughts that surface and continue to repeat your new truths.
  1. Shower yourself with kindness in the form of self-appreciations. Compliment your own abilities, characteristics, qualities, and efforts. It’s not boasting or bragging. It’s looking on the bright side.

Write down three self-appreciations each day. At the end of each week read your list out loud with conviction and enthusiasm. Adding a smile, or even half a smile while repeating your list, will give it a boost.

If this feels totally weird and you can’t come up with a single self-appreciation, start with something small. Name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try something like:

  • I‘m intelligent.
  • I’m responsible.
  • I take good care of my parents.
  • I like to help others.


Beating yourself up for not living up to impossible standards is a dead-end road that leads to Point Misery. See how wonderful you feel when you relentlessly focus on the good. Emphasizing your positive qualities and contradicting that internal critic will definitely improve your attitude about yourself. Starting today, turn your self-criticism into self-appreciation. You’ll feel the difference immediately and hear a new pledge of allegiance to the united states of Joy, Love, and Peace!


Getting Over a Break Up

man woman hands holding broken heart

You might think it’s possible to die of a broken heart. Especially if you’re in the middle of the agony right now, wondering how the world can go on. Ending a relationship can be crushing. It touches upon our deepest wounds and biggest dreams; our scariest insecurities and our happiest moments.

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Not Good Enough

self acc

“Not enough” comes in all shapes and sizes. We can feel like we aren’t enough, how we look, how smart we are, or how talented we are isn’t enough, what we have or do isn’t enough, what is happening currently isn’t enough, or other people aren’t enough. Stop comparing and bringing yourself down! In all cases, you need to reverse the focus from what you or others do or don’t have to focus on enjoying, appreciating, and being grateful for who you are and what is. This simple shift requires moving from “out there” back to yourself.

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5 Ways To Stop Being So Self-Critical


Are you considering buying pajama jeans because your womanly curves yell at you in the mirror? Do you park your Camry a block away because all the other housewives drive Escalades? Got a barrage of brutal self-talk to ready-aim-fire every time you interview for a new job or go on yet another date?

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3 Newsy Articles about Us Humans via the LA Times


I enjoy reading the LA Times because it usually includes one or more illuminating articles in each edition that is relevant (to varying degrees) to Attitude Reconstruction. On September 1, 2013, three topics grabbed my attention, and I wanted to share just in case you missed them.

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Jude Bijou, Author
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Psychology
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
Winner in Health: Psychology/Mental Health
2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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