Being self-critical is epidemic in our society. It’s almost a national pastime to beat ourselves up over real and imagined imperfections. We became unwitting devotees watching our parents and teachers direct their anger towards us with negative judgments and demeaning labels instead of dealing with their emotions in appropriate ways. Being receptive little students, we pledged allegiance to those unkind messages and call ourselves stupid, unlovable, or unworthy. Today we know the words by heart and speak them inside without even thinking.
We rarely feel satisfied with ourselves, trying to measure up against an invisible standard or believing if we had or did something else — got married, earned more money, looked more beautiful, had more time — we’d finally be happy and feel worthy.
As we know, none of these strategies work. Our mistake: we are identified with our actions rather than our essence. To stop being self-critical and show yourself more love, you must learn that you are whole, complete, and worthy, no matter what. You must realize your true self exists from the first day of your life until the day you die and doesn’t change.
Express Your Sadness, Anger & Fear
According to Attitude Reconstruction the root of an issue – such as never feeling “enough” – is to express the underlying sadness, ongoing anger and incapacitating fear and rewire your crummy thinking.
To change deeply rooted destructive thoughts, you first must determine what contradicts your old messages. Pick just a couple and write them down.
- I’m doing the best I can.
- I love myself unconditionally.
- I’m not perfect, but I’m good enough.
- There is nothing wrong with me.
- I am whole and complete.
Relentlessly repeat your new thoughts, especially when you’re judging yourself poorly or when you’re crying and feeling down. Interrupt the “yes, buts” and other discounting thoughts that surface and continue to repeat your new truths.
Another way to raise your self-esteem is to shower yourself with kindness in the form of self-appreciations. Name a specific positive trait, talent, or quality and look at yourself from this new perspective. Try writing one, two or three self-appreciations each day, and at the end of a week, read list out loud with enthusiasm, conviction, and a smile. You are steadily building your self esteem again.
An Unshakable Positive View of Yourself
See how wonderful you feel when you relentlessly focus on your good and fill your black hole of unworthiness yourself. Emphasizing your positive qualities and contradicting that internal critic will give you an unshakable positive view of yourself no matter what. A self help life improvement blueprint that works! That is YOUR Attitude Reconstruction.