Do you feel like ships passing in the night with your significant other? Did something happen that rocked your relationship to the core? Are your interactions with your partner becoming more about logistics and less about connection? Is a cloud of lingering negativity always around you?
Rather than risking long, draining battles, we choose to clam up and withdraw, put energy into other activities, such as volunteering, exercise, television, and business, or resort to digs, judgments, and blaming. In all cases intimacy dwindles and differences become obstacles to closeness.
Giving the cold shoulder and continually criticizing are clear signs that issues haven’t been resolved. Unfinished business causes us to focus on what’s not working. The other person becomes the enemy rather than an ally. You can no longer see what drew you together. You stop doing the very things that once fanned your love.
All is not lost. Whether it’s the end to a relationship, a betrayal, or a standoff, here are some simple tips that will help love and understanding bloom.
1. Set up time to talk and listen. When there are differences, each person needs uninterrupted time to talk about what’s on his or her mind while the other listens with a genuine desire to understand. This is not a discussion. It’s a time to just talk and listen. While listening, strive to walk in the other person’s shoes. When talking, talk about yourself, not the other person and what they might have said or done.
2. Offer genuine appreciations and praise. Attending to the positive is not “sucking up.” It’s paying attention to the half full. Look for the good whether it’s a characteristic, quality, or action. Look hard. It’s buried there somewhere. Then voice it… often.
3. Participate. Ask, “How can I help right now?” or “What can I do?” and do it. Cooperating and helping with a positive attitude goes a long way to melt a heart.
4. Give. Little gestures offer love in a tangible form. Volunteer to do the dishes. Run an errand. Bring flowers. Call the other person at the office and leave a sexy message. Write a love note. Plan a date night.
Try these tips and watch as love grows and results multiply. Small steps done thoughtfully can shift years of habit. Remember, captains steer huge ships with tiny rudders. So shift how you act with those you love and watch how everything changes towards a brighter horizon. It often takes two participants making the adjustments. It is all part of Attitude Reconstruction – your blueprint for a peaceful life, and better relationships.
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