Did your parents have good communication skills? When I ask people this question, very few say yes. And this is the reason why we don’t communicate very well – we were never taught how.
It seems like it should be so easy. We all want to share ourselves with others. But often our best intentions take a turn for the worse whenever emotions enter the picture. We say one thing and end up communicating another. Differences get magnified. Words get twisted. Good intentions are misinterpreted. Talking escalates into arguing and suddenly we want to attack or flee. This can all result in low self esteem and confidence.
Barriers to Effective Communication
According to Attitude Reconstruction we either strike out and “bash and trash” or don’t speak up. No matter our strategy and how we’ve learned to cope, the result of poor communication is a loss of connection and openness.
The goal of good communication is understanding and feeling more love, so if we keep that in mind, we’ll be inspired to learn to speak and listen well. Luckily it’s not that hard. It just takes practice as we learn how to stop making the four communication violations and instead follow four simple rules.
The Four Rules of Good Communication are so powerful. They work in the bedroom or boardroom, with children and neighbors, with co-workers and strangers. One rule is to listen well. The other three rules instruct us how to speak up so others can hear.
The Four Rules
- Speak about yourself, not others.
- Stay specific, don’t overgeneralize.
- Be kind, not negative.
- Listen well.
Consistent Communication Skills
Here’s the wonderful part: each time we stop ourselves from our old ways and abide by the four rules we feel more powerful, confident, and true to ourselves. Others will understand us better and we can also understand them. All it takes is a little practice, practice, practice and everyone can learn to have consistently effective communication skills. It’s a key element in your life’s new emotional blueprint – Attitude Reconstruction.