ATTITUDE RECONSTRUCTION: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A BETTER LIFE
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Posts Tagged ‘expressing emotions’

Dealing with Daily Drinking

daily-drinkingSarah came in confessing of drinking daily and wanting to look at it. She knew this habit had increased since she retired. I asked her what time of day was the urge the strongest. She said when she was at home without any plans, that 5 – 7pm time frame was the hardest. Sarah would feel sad, and start to put herself down, feeling unlovable and unworthy. Sarah started to drown her sorrows, those thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If she made it past 7 she was fine.

And Sarah, what happened at that time when you were growing up? My mother came home from work. Instead of paying attention to me, being excited about hearing about my day and me, she was preoccupied with her own plight and the big drama with my father. She was so critical and put me down instead of loving me and seeing my wonderfulness. I was so lonely. I felt so sad and often cried.

What did you want her to say and do?
“I wanted her to tell me she loved me and that I was beautiful.”

You’re never going to fill that old hurt and extreme feelings of isolation without having the truth to support you. Together we came up with these truths: “”Stop. Breathe. Cry. I love myself unconditionally.” “You’re so beautiful. I love you.” She was instructed to repeat these phrases over and over, especially from 5 to 7pm, while hugging herself and crying.

She also decided to rejoin a club where she could take an afternoon swim and sit in the Jacuzzi.

Tool: Figure out what was missing at the time you want to indulge your addiction and what emotion you were feeling. Express that emotion, cry (sadness), shiver (fear), or pound (anger), while thinking and saying to yourself what you yearned to hear from others back then and now. To soothe and comfort ourselves and our fears, we must remember the higher reality everyday until we get on a cellular level what we needed to hear back then. In Sarah’s case, and most frequently, it goes back to loving and honoring ourselves.

I recently came across this book that a couple of clients really found life altering. It’s by Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews and called, The 30 Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of your own Home. You might want to check it out!

http://www.amazon.com/30-Day-Sobriety-Solution-Drinking-Privacy/dp/147679295X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462290311&sr=1-1&keywords=30+day+solution

Getting a Grip on Your Anger

getting_a_grip_on_anger

Attitude Reconstruction is based on the fact that all of our problems, our bad habits and attitudes, stem back to unexpressed emotions – that is sadness, anger, and fear. To feel more of our other three emotions – joy, love, and peace — we need to acknowledge and express our sadness, anger, and fear naturally, physically, and constructively.

It’s important to realize that our emotions are just pure energy. Look at the word “emotion.” It’s made up of E + motion. Energy in motion. If we move the energy out of our bodies, it passes and calmness and clarity is restored.

Anger is the body’s natural reaction to injustices and violations. A violation could be feeling betrayed or slandered. It could be your house being robbed or someone taking credit for your project. An injustice could be witnessing discrimination, hearing about corruption, or being called out at home plate when you were safe. When we experience injustices and violations, we naturally feel angry. Our temperatures rise and we want to strike out and do some damage.

We also perpetuate our own anger by focusing on other people and situations, thinking the world and those in it “should” be different than they are, negatively judging what we don’t accept, and believing everyone should conform to our wishes because we know best. Wanting to strike out, saying or doing mean things, or viewing other people, things, and situations as enemies won’t bring you love. In fact, your anger-based actions can land you in jail or locked up in an emotional prison of feeling separate and isolated.

Dissolve anger by pounding, stomping, or yelling

Deep breathing or thinking your way thru flashes of anger is not realistic. Think about what children do when they feel anger. They have a temper tantrum and then it’s over and they resume their activities. We must deal with that hot, urge to lash out and inflict damage in a constructive way and express it safely, physically and naturally.

  • Express anger energy physically without damaging a person or anything of value. Find a safe place to push against a wall, stomp around the room, or pound the heck out of old phone books. Do it hard, fast, and with abandon. While expressing the anger don’t say negative things and swear. Just make sounds and move the physical energy out of your body.
  • Interrupt destructive thinking about how people and things “should” be different and accept what is. Repeat 100,000 times or until you truly get it, “People and things are the way they are, not the way I want them to be.”

 

When you get rid of anger’s emotional energy, you get back to yourself, your heart. You’ll feel more loving and assert yourself with honesty, kindness, and empathy. Barriers you’ve built with others will come crashing down and your connections will be real and healthy.

Each time you own and deal with your anger physically and constructively and accept what is, you create love. It’s hard at first. We’ve got our pride. Our ego is strong and we feel so justified. But it works. It’s effective. Natural. Fast.

Four Ways to Stop Obsessing with Attitude Reconstruction

obsess

Do you obsess? One minute it’s the survivors in the Philippines. The next, it’s what you’ll wear tomorrow. How much you weigh. When you can bust out that pressing project with an impending deadline. Why your child’s grades are slipping. What your boyfriend is doing right now.

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Take Charge of Your Anger Today

anger

Do other people tiptoe around you so you won’t get mad? Are your kids afraid of you? Have you been told to take an anger-management class?

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Express Your Emotions Physically As If Your Life Depended Upon It – Because It Does

old man_woman

Here are some more compelling reasons to express your emotions naturally, physically, and constructively. A recent study has concluded that not dealing with your emotions increases the likelihood by one third that you will die younger than if you regularly express what you are feeling.

In a study conducted at Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester, researchers gave 729 men and women (average age 44) a health questionnaire in 1996 to determine how much they suppressed their emotions.

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Free Communication Class

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Saturday October 19, 2019
Santa Barbara

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Jude Bijou, Author
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
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2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
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2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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