ATTITUDE RECONSTRUCTION: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A BETTER LIFE
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Posts Tagged ‘Emotions’

Dealing with Daily Drinking

daily-drinkingSarah came in confessing of drinking daily and wanting to look at it. She knew this habit had increased since she retired. I asked her what time of day was the urge the strongest. She said when she was at home without any plans, that 5 – 7pm time frame was the hardest. Sarah would feel sad, and start to put herself down, feeling unlovable and unworthy. Sarah started to drown her sorrows, those thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If she made it past 7 she was fine.

And Sarah, what happened at that time when you were growing up? My mother came home from work. Instead of paying attention to me, being excited about hearing about my day and me, she was preoccupied with her own plight and the big drama with my father. She was so critical and put me down instead of loving me and seeing my wonderfulness. I was so lonely. I felt so sad and often cried.

What did you want her to say and do?
“I wanted her to tell me she loved me and that I was beautiful.”

You’re never going to fill that old hurt and extreme feelings of isolation without having the truth to support you. Together we came up with these truths: “”Stop. Breathe. Cry. I love myself unconditionally.” “You’re so beautiful. I love you.” She was instructed to repeat these phrases over and over, especially from 5 to 7pm, while hugging herself and crying.

She also decided to rejoin a club where she could take an afternoon swim and sit in the Jacuzzi.

Tool: Figure out what was missing at the time you want to indulge your addiction and what emotion you were feeling. Express that emotion, cry (sadness), shiver (fear), or pound (anger), while thinking and saying to yourself what you yearned to hear from others back then and now. To soothe and comfort ourselves and our fears, we must remember the higher reality everyday until we get on a cellular level what we needed to hear back then. In Sarah’s case, and most frequently, it goes back to loving and honoring ourselves.

I recently came across this book that a couple of clients really found life altering. It’s by Jack Canfield and Dave Andrews and called, The 30 Day Sobriety Solution: How to Cut Back or Quit Drinking in the Privacy of your own Home. You might want to check it out!

http://www.amazon.com/30-Day-Sobriety-Solution-Drinking-Privacy/dp/147679295X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1462290311&sr=1-1&keywords=30+day+solution

Soothing Your Sadness

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Attitude Reconstruction is based on the fact that all of our problems, our bad habits and attitudes, stem back to unexpressed emotions – that is sadness, anger, and fear. To feel more of our other three emotions – joy, love, and peace — we need to acknowledge and express our sadness, anger, and fear naturally, physically, and constructively.

It’s important to realize that our emotions are just pure energy. Look at the word “emotion.” It’s made up of E + motion. Energy in motion. If we move the energy out of our bodies, it passes and calmness and clarity is restored.

Here’s how to deal with the emotion of sadness:

Sadness

Feeling heavy and deflated in our bodies and sinking easily into thinking, “I’m not okay” are hallmarks of unexpressed sadness. Sadness comes when experiencing hurts or losses, or because we are entertaining destructive thoughts about ourselves. Hurts and losses include death of a loved one, disparaging remarks, being fired, losing our home, feeling betrayed, or being misunderstood. When we don’t cry enough, our thoughts about ourselves turn negative and we tell ourselves that we are unworthy, need other people to approve of us, need to be and do better, or are small, hopeless, and helpless.

When young children cry, there are no words. They’re expressing their emotions cleanly. They sob. They bawl. And afterwards? They return to their present, happy, curious, loving selves. We need to follow their lead.

Deal with sadness by crying.

To dissolve sadness, you’ve got to cry cleanly. Through the crocodile tears, you must doggedly interrupt negative thoughts or state something like “It’s okay that I feel sad. It’s okay to cry. I’m fine.” Just sob, wail, and let it out. 

If you are crying about specific hurts or losses let the tears flow. However, if you’re just feeling down, it’s crucial to identify exactly what demeaning messages you’re telling yourself about yourself and find some opposing statements that are true to substitute. Repeat your phrases over and over, such as:

  • I am whole and complete.
  • I am alone, and I am connected.
  • Life is for learning. We all make mistakes.
  • I am responsible for what I think, feel, and do.
  • I can do this.

 

By befriending your sadness and tears to fully process hurts and losses, and reminding yourself what’s really true about you, you’ll come to know your real worth, gain more energy, and take more personal responsibility. You feel more joy. You’ll respect yourself more, and hear your intuition – inner knowing – more clearly. Then you can determine what’s needed to communicate in any situation, and speak up and take action on what’s best for you.

 

Verdict: All Our Bad Attitudes Stem from Avoiding Emotions

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I get “Google Alerts” on the word “emotions” and each day there’s a variety of news articles and blogs, with the word emotion in the title.

Often I blow through them, but a couple of months ago, I came across one that had an engaging title. Much to my delight, I found that what the author, Shakti Durga, was saying mirrored my own views.

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The Best Weight Management Strategy: Overcoming Emotional Eating

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This probably won’t come as much of a surprise, but Attitude Reconstruction has the permanent solution to weight loss: honor your emotions.

For the psychological community, the opinion is apparently still out.

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When Compassion Fatigue Hits, Deal with Your Own Emotions

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The Dalai Lama is credited with bringing the word “compassion” center stage. There is no doubt that putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is the direct path to feeling less judgmental and more loving.

There is no population where compassion is most visible than with health care providers… and mothers. Unfortunately, compassion fatigue is also prevalent.

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Free Communication Class

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UPCOMING FREE COMMUNICATION CLASS

Saturday October 19, 2019
Santa Barbara

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Jude Bijou, Author
Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Psychology
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
Winner in Health: Psychology/Mental Health
2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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