Hey, Jude: I say such terrible things when I’m angry, often without thinking. The words are out of my mouth before I realize it. How can I change this?

First, you need to become aware of the physical warning signs of an impending outburst. When you perceive the physical signals — heat rising on the back of your neck, heart pounding, breaking into a sweat — immediately take a break, saying something along the lines of, “I don’t want to blow up and say something I’ll regret, so I’m going to take a few minutes for time-out.” Express your anger physically and/or power on accepting what bugs you. When you feel more centered, you can then locate the specific thing that set you off and find what’s true for you about the topic.  Then return and deliver your message with kindness and a smile.