BEAT THE SOFA: SAVE YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Okay, maybe that’s a silly title, but I wanted to grab your attention for today’s blog. With divorce rates edging to 60 percent, the institution of marriage is starting to sound like a well-traveled road to failure. But your relationship doesn’t have to take a hit as long as your sofa does!

I’m really not kidding when I say that couples who pound together, stay together. Let me explain: all of our inability to work through differences in relationships, are caused by two things: not knowing and abiding by the four communication rules, and not expressing our emotions in a healthy way.

Frustration, for example, is just a feeling that indicates we’re experiencing the emotion of anger. And feeling frustrated is inevitable in a relationship because we don’t always see eye to eye and often don’t know how to talk about our differences in a constructive way.

Attitude Reconstruction contends that emotions are nothing but wordless sensations in the body and must be expressed physically or else we end up taking it out on others. You may laugh, but I give couples rubber tubing to pound the heck out of the sofa or stacks of telephone books. With that anger energy dissipated, love, peace, and clarity fill the space. Then true communication and true listening are possible.

The crucial point here is that while you’re moving the energy out of your body, you don’t entertain what I call “you-ing.” If you pound while swearing or saying how the person should be different than they are, the anger gets inflamed rather than passing. Just make primal sounds or say “I’m sooo angry. It’s okay. I just need to get this energy out.” Or “That’s the way they are.” After emoting, you’ll be able to speak up, as well as listen without interruption.

Stomping, pounding, yelling, and pushing on solid objects are for anyone who wants to feel good about themselves, their relationships, and their lives. It may sound simple but by moving the energy physically and constructively, you’ll set the stage to create the relationship you truly desire.

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