ATTITUDE RECONSTRUCTION: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A BETTER LIFE
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Soothing Your Sadness

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Attitude Reconstruction is based on the fact that all of our problems, our bad habits and attitudes, stem back to unexpressed emotions – that is sadness, anger, and fear. To feel more of our other three emotions – joy, love, and peace — we need to acknowledge and express our sadness, anger, and fear naturally, physically, and constructively.

It’s important to realize that our emotions are just pure energy. Look at the word “emotion.” It’s made up of E + motion. Energy in motion. If we move the energy out of our bodies, it passes and calmness and clarity is restored.

Here’s how to deal with the emotion of sadness:

Sadness

Feeling heavy and deflated in our bodies and sinking easily into thinking, “I’m not okay” are hallmarks of unexpressed sadness. Sadness comes when experiencing hurts or losses, or because we are entertaining destructive thoughts about ourselves. Hurts and losses include death of a loved one, disparaging remarks, being fired, losing our home, feeling betrayed, or being misunderstood. When we don’t cry enough, our thoughts about ourselves turn negative and we tell ourselves that we are unworthy, need other people to approve of us, need to be and do better, or are small, hopeless, and helpless.

When young children cry, there are no words. They’re expressing their emotions cleanly. They sob. They bawl. And afterwards? They return to their present, happy, curious, loving selves. We need to follow their lead.

Deal with sadness by crying.

To dissolve sadness, you’ve got to cry cleanly. Through the crocodile tears, you must doggedly interrupt negative thoughts or state something like “It’s okay that I feel sad. It’s okay to cry. I’m fine.” Just sob, wail, and let it out. 

If you are crying about specific hurts or losses let the tears flow. However, if you’re just feeling down, it’s crucial to identify exactly what demeaning messages you’re telling yourself about yourself and find some opposing statements that are true to substitute. Repeat your phrases over and over, such as:

  • I am whole and complete.
  • I am alone, and I am connected.
  • Life is for learning. We all make mistakes.
  • I am responsible for what I think, feel, and do.
  • I can do this.

 

By befriending your sadness and tears to fully process hurts and losses, and reminding yourself what’s really true about you, you’ll come to know your real worth, gain more energy, and take more personal responsibility. You feel more joy. You’ll respect yourself more, and hear your intuition – inner knowing – more clearly. Then you can determine what’s needed to communicate in any situation, and speak up and take action on what’s best for you.

 

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Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Psychology
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
Winner in Health: Psychology/Mental Health
2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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