ATTITUDE RECONSTRUCTION: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A BETTER LIFE
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jude's blog Getting Over a Break Up

Getting Over a Break Up

man woman hands holding broken heart

You might think it’s possible to die of a broken heart. Especially if you’re in the middle of the agony right now, wondering how the world can go on. Ending a relationship can be crushing. It touches upon our deepest wounds and biggest dreams; our scariest insecurities and our happiest moments.

Breaking Up IS Hard to Do – But YOU Can Make It Better

It may have only taken a second to fall in love, but to reclaim equilibrium takes time. Injuries have to heal whether physical or emotional. So before jumping back into action, give yourself time to heal and room to feel your pain. According to Attitude Reconstruction, here are six things to do to ensure a speedy recovery:

1. Maintain your regular healthy routine. That means don’t give up exercising, don’t stop eating regularly, don’t start drinking (or indulge in your favorite addiction), and don’t stop sleeping.

2. Deal with your emotions. Start with whatever emotion is in the foreground. Pound if you can’t believe what he said or did. Cry buckets because it’s a loss, but don’t indulge in blaming him, freaking out about the future, or feeling sorry for yourself. Just mourn and say good-bye. Shiver and shake if you feel scared and in survival mode. These strong emotions will not last forever. If you acknowledge and express them constructively, you’ll move through the pain much quicker.

3. Interrupt your destructive thoughts, particularly worries about an imagined future, even if they come up a hundred times a day. Shiver instead and remind yourself, “These feelings will pass. This situation is temporary.” Instead of trashing him or her, remember the good, and then refocus on what you need to do to honor yourself. Remind yourself of your worthiness and lovability. “This says nothing about me. I am lovable. I am fine.

4. Get clear on what you know is best. If you’ve had somewhat of a ritual of fighting and breaking up, only to get back together, get clear about what you know when emotions aren’t flying around and hold fast to that. Rather than being rash and doing something impulsive like splitting up during a fight, get yourself back to a loving place first. Do this by addressing and resolving the specific topic that started the fight. Then, when you feel centered again, look within and ask what’s true for you about the relationship. If it is true that one or the other of you is no longer willing to be in a partnership, hold tight to what you know at those times of clarity, and remind yourself self of it often. As well, align your behavior with what you know deep down is true.

5. Keep addressing your emotions physically and constructively. This point can’t be stressed enough. If the reality is that it’s truly over, then it’s time to deal with the inevitable sadness, anger and fear. If your emotions are intense, be extra mindful to eat, sleep, and exercise regularly, because throwing off your physiology hinders the healing process and your quality of life.

Learn to Separate from the One You Loved

I promise it won’t take as long as you imagine to heal and move on, if you deal with your emotions constructively and don’t indulge in trash thinking or talking. Soon you’ll be able to make a plan to restore your self-esteem, reflect on what you’ve learned, and engage in any necessary communications. It takes time to work through such an intense event but on the other side of pain, there is life and happiness awaiting your arrival.

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Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Psychology
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
Winner in Health: Psychology/Mental Health
2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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