ATTITUDE RECONSTRUCTION: A BLUEPRINT FOR BUILDING A BETTER LIFE
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jude's blog Not Good Enough

Not Good Enough

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“Not enough” comes in all shapes and sizes. We can feel like we aren’t enough, how we look, how smart we are, or how talented we are isn’t enough, what we have or do isn’t enough, what is happening currently isn’t enough, or other people aren’t enough. Stop comparing and bringing yourself down! In all cases, you need to reverse the focus from what you or others do or don’t have to focus on enjoying, appreciating, and being grateful for who you are and what is. This simple shift requires moving from “out there” back to yourself.

You can free yourself from the dissatisfaction and the fear of never “enough” and rest in enjoying the reality by doggedly and consistently replacing your old thinking. In terms of how to do this, I’m going to use as an example “not feeling good enough.” Instead of perpetually trying to measure up against an invisible standard, give it a rest. Give up believing if you had or did something else — got married, earned more money, looked more beautiful, had more time, were smarter — you’d finally be happy and feel worthy.

As you already know, that doesn’t work. In terms of who we are, what we have, or what we do, our mind will always find some thing else that feels lacking. The mistake is that we are identified with our actions, appearance, or possessions, rather than our unchanging essence.

To get to the root of not feeling good enough, figure out and write down exactly what you tell yourself when you are into “not enough” thinking. Then get ready to wage a war with your mind. You have several powerful choices for weapons. Here are some options so you can win your battle and little by little slay your downer thinking and replace it with something that increases the amount of joy, love, and peace you feel. Repeat your selected strategy with the conviction of knowing that it is true until you smile.

1. Appreciate what you do have. Focus on qualities and characteristics.

2. Be grateful for what is presented or what you do have.

3. Look for the positive in the situation. There is always a sunny side to the bleakest of moments.

4. Find a contradiction to your old thinking (see below for a few suggestions) and repeat it over and over, ignoring all the discounting thoughts that arise.

About yourself

My presence is enough.

I am good enough.

I’ve done enough.

I’m pretty enough.

I am fully satisfied with myself.

I am enough.

About other people, things, and situations

This is enough.

I have enough.

My friends are enough.

About time

What’s happening right now is perfect.

I have enough time.

There is enough time.

Regardless of the option you choose, interrupt negative mind noise and replace it with your chosen constructive alternative. As you do, you will accept yourself ‘as is,’ and jolt yourself into loving yourself regardless of how the world turns. Your attention shifts to what is already here and who you already are. You become more accepting of yourself, others, and time just the way they are right now, and enjoy the present moment, your life, and all that you have.

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Jude Bijou is a licensed marriage and family therapist, educator, author, and speaker.  Meet Jude

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Attitude Reconstruction
2012 Benjamin Franklin Award
Winner in Self-Help
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Psychology
2012 ForeWord Reviews
Winner in Self-Help
2012 International Book Award
Winner in Health: Psychology/Mental Health
2012 Nautilus Silver Award
Winner in Personal Growth/Self Help/Psychology
2012 LA Festival of Books
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